Confronting Your Feelings: The Journey Toward Emotional Health and Intelligence

In our fast-paced society, the habit of compartmentalizing emotions is almost second nature. We cram feelings like anger, grief, and anxiety into metaphorical boxes, pushing them to the back of the closet to deal with later—a later that never quite arrives. In Episode 54 of the "Leading with Heart" podcast, I shed light on this common but unhealthy coping mechanism and its ramifications.

Similar to a Boggart from the Harry Potter series—an entity that grows more formidable when hidden away—the emotions we suppress do not vanish. Instead, they simmer beneath the surface, growing more powerful and, eventually, more destructive. As I noted, these unresolved emotions spill over into our lives like toxic substances, affecting us in unexpected and harmful ways.

The Physical Manifestation of Repressed Emotions

The idea that bottled-up emotions can translate into physical ailments isn't new; it’s reinforced by a plethora of psychological research. One of the most notable works in this field is "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk, which discusses how trauma and suppressed feelings are stored in the body. According to what I shared, this transmutation can manifest as hypertension, gut issues, and even inflammatory diseases.

Think back to the last time you were overwhelmed with stress—did you experience stomach issues or a persistent headache? These are your body's ways of signaling that something is amiss emotionally. When emotions go unaddressed, they often find an outlet through physical symptoms, necessitating a holistic approach that considers both emotional and physical health.

Steps to Address and Process Your Emotions

So, how can we begin to deal with our deferred emotional baggage without overwhelming ourselves? There are several paths one can take, from professional counseling to self-observation practices such as journaling. But what’s immensely crucial is to start somewhere, no matter how small.

Professional Help

Working with a therapist can offer structured support and guidance through Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and various other forms of trauma and emotional processing therapy. These methods are designed to help you acknowledge, confront, and process these latent emotions in a safe and systematic manner.

Self-Awareness Techniques

For those who prefer starting on their own, I introduce the concept of an emotions log—a simple yet effective tool to become more in tune with your feelings. Here are the steps I recommend:

1. Identify the Emotion: When you feel something particularly intense, pause and recognize it.
2. Locate it in the Body: Note where you feel this emotion physically. Is it in your chest, your gut, your shoulders?
3. Trace its Origins: Reflect on the circumstances that led up to this emotion. Was it a comment, a situation, or a particular event?
4. Dig Deeper: Ask yourself what this emotion is trying to tell you. Is there another layer beneath it, like fear under anger?

The Power of Curiosity Over Judgment

The process of emotional discovery invites curiosity rather than judgment. Often, we berate ourselves for experiencing what we consider “inappropriate” emotions, adding layers of self-judgment that compound the problem. Instead, what if we approached our emotions with genuine curiosity?

Rather than saying, "I shouldn't feel this way," we can ask, "Why do I feel this way?" Shifting from judgment to curiosity allows us to understand the root cause of our emotions, which can lead to greater self-compassion and better emotional health.

Finding Compassion Through Curiosity

Engaging with your emotions through a lens of curiosity naturally fosters compassion. When you understand why you feel a certain way, you are less likely to judge yourself harshly. I underscore the importance of this compassionate approach, suggesting that self-compassion can lay the foundation for emotional healing.

The journey towards emotional intelligence isn't a linear path; it’s a winding road filled with learning and unlearning. Keeping an emotions log, practicing self-awareness, and turning towards feelings with curiosity can help you stay on course. As I encourage, investing just five to ten minutes a day to acknowledge and explore your emotions can yield profound insights and foster a healthier, happier life.

Next time you feel an emotion bubbling up, take a moment. Breathe. Turn towards it. Your emotional wellbeing depends on it.

RESOURCES:

The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD

Connect with me in the Strong and Resilient Woman Community on Facebook HERE (https://www.facebook.com/groups/yogaformilitarywomen)

www.leadingwithheartpodcast.com (https://www.leadingwithheartpodcast.com/)

SHOW NOTES:  https://www.christinamattisonyoga.com/blog/episode54